My Side of the Story – Part 19
March 2, 2012
Hallucinations, part II
1. The wall and ceiling titles become scrolling white boards a night. I swear to you that there were kid drawings of houses and trees as well as writing all over the walls and ceilings. It was stationary during the day, but at night they scrolled either up and down or left to right. The panels on the walls were not symmetrical in size which added to the craziness. Now the ceiling tiles were covered in legible writing. I was convinced they were prayers for all the people in the hospital. I remember trying to read them, but I can’t remember any of that anymore.
One day, I tried to remember to ask my mom to let Grace bring her dry erase markers so she could write on my walls. I thought she would enjoy it, and I would like to look at her artwork after she left.
2. There is a little pump that was connected to my feeding tube that would pump water through the tube after every med was put into flush all the meds out of the tube. It would hum and whir for a couple minutes after the meds were put in. At night, I saw a web-like bubble come out of that machine. It would inflate as if the machine were blowing it up, and then slowly deflate when it stopped. I was just like a bubble in that it was translucent, and the only reason I could see it at night, was it reflected the orange glow on of the exit sign in the room.
3. Dreams: There were so many crazy, crazy dreams. The weirdest part was I knew I was dreaming. I would wake up to Dan or mom in my room, and they would tell me to go back to sleep and rest. I knew I was sleeping if I had a crazy dream. In fact, I would sometimes try to create a story or dream so that I would go back to sleep.
I’m a good girl, I do what I’m told!
#1 Flying through the clouds: I am afraid of heights, and none too fond of flying, but I was soaring through the deepest blue sky and puffiest white clouds without a care in the world. I was thoroughly enjoying the beauty of God’s creation. The bright sunlight in my face as well as the sun beams shining through the clouds.
#2 Creating my own movie: In my dreamy, haze I realized that drugged up people have WAY more creative capabilities that sober people. I decided that this must be why all of Hollywood and Nashville is on drugs and messed up. So I thought I should make up a movie storyline now, because I’m in a totally drugged, very creative state. Right?
Here’s my movie title: The Bionical Man of the Universe. Catchy, huh? I didn’t really make up a plot. All I got to was this Ironman-like main character. I’ve never even seen Ironman or Bicentennial Man, but I think that’s what I was going for.
#3 Strolling through the English countryside: Now, have I ever been to England? No. But I was sure that the lush rolling hills speckled with sheep and goats was England. There was a dirt road with a wood split-rail fence running along side it. I strolled (more light floated) along the road enjoying the scenery.
That’s all I can remember right now. Bummer, there were so many more.