Below is another part of My AVM Story: the recounting of the discovery, removal, rehabilitation, and survival of an arteriovenus malformation. To read from the beginning of the story, click here.
I’ve been composing this list over the last few weeks of random snippets of memories from my hopsitalizaiton or time at Mary Free Bed. They are in no particular order, and they likely won’t make sense to anyone but me. But these are the feelings, memories, and things I don’t want to forget.
- How I washed my hands in the bathroom sink at MFB. The feeling of cold seeping in through my left, limp hand as it rests against the side of the sink. Using my right to do all the work of washing: lift left hand, place in sink, turn on water, get soap, rub soap on the left hand, lift hand to water to rinse, rub soap off in water, turn off water, grab paper towel, dry left hand dry right hand. My therapists insisted my left do everything as if it functioned normally.
- “Losing” my leg (in hospital) and left arm (in MFB) – When there is no sensation and the brain’s wiring is off, the brain can’t “find” parts of the body…panic ensues. Ask me how I know.
- Seeing the writing on the walls as I was coming out of my coma. I believe they were prayers for me and other people at the hospital. Possible hallucination, but I think God gives encouragement and strength in ways beyond our imagination. Who am I to say he didn’t open eyes to see his love for me and the love of my friends and family, literally written all over the walls.
- Rice krispie treats on the side table from Melissa – Total hallucination! It was the boot for my foot… there were no rice krispie treats, unfortunately.
- Dan sleeping with his head on my hospital bed – Night after excruciatingly long night, he watched over me and cared for me, to the point of utter exhaustion. (He would say he wasn’t exhausted. God gave him strength, and I know this is true. However, he had very little sleep those days, 4-6 hours max. Dan was and is my wonderful protector. He is always watching over me and taking care of me.)
- Dan washing my hair at MFB, and spraying the water all over my face, which I hated. 🙂
- The smell of the soap at MFB and smelling it again at City Flats Restaurant. Funny the things that trigger memories.
- Basking in the sunshine in the atrium of MFB for 20 minutes in between therapy sessions.
- Cream of wheat for breakfast every morning lovingly sweetened to perfection by my wonderful husband, Dan.
- My mom reading the Bible to me in a dimly lit hospital room.
- Visitors hesitantly huddled around my hospital bed during the week of my second bleed.
- Poster board with messages of hope and healing (and wonderful drawings by my nieces, nephews, and sibilings!) hanging on the wall. I still have this, Lacey! I intend to frame it and hang it in our house someday. It is a powerful reminder of the love and support I had from friends and family through this time.
- Peace. Absolute, complete peace. The first few uncertain days were very peaceful for me. Jesus had me wrapped in perfect peace.
That’s all for now…might be more later!
The next part of the story is outpatient therapy and adjusting to life at home.
Up next: My AVM Story – Part 41