This song popped into my head today as I was doing school and coloring with Jackson.
Rejoice in the Lord by Ron Hamilton
God never moves without purpose or plan.
When trying His servant and molding a man.
Give thanks to the LORD, though your testing seems long.
In darkness, He giveth a song.
O REJOICE IN THE LORD!
He makes no mistake.
He knoweth the end of each path that I take!
For when I am tried and purified,
I shall come forth as gold.
I could not see through the shadows ahead,
So I looked at the cross of my Saviour instead.
I bowed to the will of the Master that day,
Then peace came, and tears fled away!
Now I can see testing comes from above,
God strengthens His children, and purges in love.
My Father knows best, and I trust in His care;
Through purging, more fruit I will bear.
I can see clearly now the trials that God has put in my life. Truly, not to harm me but to mold me, to refine me, to make me like gold.
I’m struggling today because it is looking like gluten-free + low-ish carb might not work. This whole diet has been an experiment, and I’ve known that from the beginning. It is still so disappointing to see high blood glucose readings when I think I’m being “so good.”
I do need to give it more time for the gluten to get completely out of my system. How long, I’m not sure. Also, how long is too long for the damage high blood glucose can do to my system? And how high of a BG damages my organs? 143? 180? 200? 300????
Besides the two meals this weekend, my numbers have really been good, but a couple have been in the 140’s before a meal. The last doctor I saw made it clear that was not good enough, and the perfectionist/people-pleaser in me feels like a failure. On the other hand, my sister-in-law thinks those numbers are great as she works with my teenage niece to control her blood glucose.
Where is the balance? Am I good enough, being in the 120-145 range before a meal? Am I causing harm to my body at those levels? I haven’t done much research yet. I need to get out of my funk and figure it out. When I feel like I’ve failed, I tend to sit on my butt and do nothing.
I’m not opposed to insulin. I will take it if I need to, but if there is a way to keep my pancreas alive AND not incur the huge expense of insulin (savings to me and everyone in the healthcare system!!), why wouldn’t I keep at it? I just don’t have definitive confirmation that what I’m doing will work. It looks like I’m forging my own path here based on my own research. It’s kind of scary.
Back to the song, “He makes no mistakes. He knoweth the end of each path that I take.” God’s already at the end. He knows what happens, and He is with me every step of the way. He didn’t allow my body to attack my pancreas on accident. It was no mistake. God knows what He’s doing all the time. This is just another opportunity to put my faith in action and trust.